The Onion weighs the pros and cons of self-driving cars:
PRO
- Can finally spend quality time fiddling with radio knobs
- Cities with poor public transportation given the opportunity to dump the systemic problem onto Google or whoever
- Frees up drivers to be obscene and aggressive toward each other in all sorts of new ways
- Massive savings on steering wheel maintenance
- No longer necessary to put life at risk each time you want to adjust the wrapper on your cheese and bacon melt
- History has proven that new technological advancements never have any unintended fallout
- Don’t have to do thing you previously had to do
CON
- Drag races only capable of ending in moderately paced ties
- Parents miss out on cherished tradition of improperly teaching child how to parallel park
- Not yet confirmed whether they come in blue
- Science fiction writers forced to come up with new lazy shorthand for futuristic landscape
- Won’t get to threaten truant police officers with six weeks of traffic duty anymore
- Majority of Beach Boys catalog now irrelevant
- Someone definitely going to hack these things